Vets, you give such amazing advice. Some of us really do listen! (and miss you on our threads! hint. hint.)
Oxford, I have to be honest, it's frustrating to read (and re-read, and re-read) how the vets give you advice, which you misunderstand or ignore, rinse and repeat. For months. They have spent a lot of time on your threads and given you amazing feedback.
Have you tried meditation or yoga or biofeedback or medication to control your emotions and spiraling thoughts? Can you set a goal of using the wonderful advice you've been given here for just *one* day?
In your next post, can you tell the people following your thread about one thing you tried (doesn't matter how well it worked) based on advice you got here?