"Oh, and even though I feel it'd be next to impossible for you to be happy if H stays at his job, I'd keep that talk in your back pocket for now. "
I think you may be right, Train. And it scares the poop outta me. Because I really feel unsure about H leaving his job. I mean if he quit immediately that would be a huge problem, we need his income to cover the mortgage. Not to mention the potential emotional consequences of him being unemployed (i.e., home alone all day, getting depressed and potentially resentful, etc.) I mean let's face it, unemployment can be very emotionally challenging -- as if we don't have enough emotional challenges to deal with right now! If he stays for some period of time and tries to secure something else before leaving that could easily take months (he has a high level job, not easy to find around here), so we'd still have to deal with her for some period of time. Also, he just got a huge opportunity at work so he'd be giving up a lot. I'm not saying he shouldn't be willing to do that but it does start to feel like a recipe for major resentment if I force his hand. It's really a tough, tough challenge and that's why I'm freaking out. I really can't see ANY good solution.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I mentioned I called earlier to apologize to H about getting angry, etc.
Often H and I will text each other a little something about the kids and then maybe a good night. Not always but often enough.
Wondering if I should text him a little something about the kids and then say something like 'I know all of this is tough on both of us, I'm thinking of you and hoping we both can get some good rest tonight'
A little more damage control from getting upset earlier and trying to get us on a more positive path again. Thoughts?
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I mentioned I called earlier to apologize to H about getting angry, etc.
Often H and I will text each other a little something about the kids and then maybe a good night. Not always but often enough.
Wondering if I should text him a little something about the kids and then say something like 'I know all of this is tough on both of us, I'm thinking of you and hoping we both can get some good rest tonight'
A little more damage control from getting upset earlier and trying to get us on a more positive path again. Thoughts?
Shush! Sit tight. You're just temp checking.
Show your H respect by allowing him time and space to process his feelings. C'mon....get out for a walk or something! Or take the kids out for some ice cream. You need a distraction now.
And am I really starting to sound more rational now? I don't entirely feel it just yet, but encouraged that I might seem it a bit. Maybe I'm 'acting as if'!
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
remember...she is a bandaid...they get thrown in the trash when they aren't necessary anymore.
You are doing the work to make her unnecessary. trust that
remember...you are the real deal and she is the imitation...don't let her control your mood and your progress forward.
Don't give her any more power.
trust your husband... he gave you this information knowing how you might react.
sometimes there is no plan...you have to embrace this idea...deep breathes...
why should your husband leave his job...perhaps she really did move closer to be by her sister (maybe she is ill or something)and what is to say when she sees that she no longer has her claws in your HUSBAND (remember...that is what he is) SHE will move or quit?
