To sum up where I am today: I'm dark with H (would rather be NC, but I am completely dependent on him for money--- long story short, I'm in the middle of a career change. He convinced me it was a good time to quit teaching and go back to school right before he walked out. He has followed through with money, so I'm okay on that end.)
I knew about A and OW back in Dec. but, I found a note last week in the car he gave me that proves he was lying to me about where he has been living for 7 months. I allowed myself to backslide emotionally and felt like BD all over again. I decided that was IT for me, even though I "dropped the rope" back in June. Nope! I was still pulling on it a bit. NOW it's dropped.
He told me back in June he was never coming home. I denied his request to remain friends, and he has been pursuing me ever since. He comes up with any and every excuse to drop by the house. I find any and every reason to deny that request.
After I found the note, I told him about it and told him I'm disappearing for an indefinite amount of time. So far he has respected my request for space, but he will need to give me more money each month- I asked him to just mail the checks and he got angry (does this sound like someone who never intended to come home? Not to mention he left all of his stuff here... Weirdo.)
ANYWAY: my question for the vets or anyone else with experience here::::::
I would like to remain dark/NC for a looooooooooooong time. I love him, but it don't like him right now. I knew about the affair, but the note made something "snap" inside. I can't explain it. I have felt much more at peace since I told him I needed space.
I took my power back.
I'm about to start back with my classes in August. My program is unbelievably intense. It would be great to not be distracted by H's crazy making for a few months.
Is this appropriate?? I don't miss him at all. I don't want to see him, at least not now. Is this "punishing" him? I did it for MY sanity.
How do I leave things open for R while doing dark/NC?
Up until now, he has had NO experience of loss. I have been unbelievable loving and patient- letting him control contact and allowing him to come over whenever. This dark/NC is a 180 for our current sitch.
How long is it appropriate for me to keep this up??? Is there even an answer for that?
Yes, I've read DR. It's still confusing.
Any help is appreciated!!!!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
