What are your plans to get grip on your trigger-fast angry responses?
I have not asked him how he feels about it. I agree, that will be important to ask. Although truthfully, the answer will surely make me flip. I know I need to get a grip on that, just being honest.
You've been through the worst already. Why would you flip again? Really. This isn't Anne of the Green Gables, honey. This is right in the trenches. No bones about it...this is rough stuff recovering from affairs. "H, what I need from you is your reassurance that you are making every conscious effort to have zero to minimal contact with the OW at work. This is your mess and you do need to clean it up. How do you plan to address this?"
This sounds good in theory but honestly, I can’t imagine what H will say to this. Given that it’s a very small company as I described there will be NO getting away from her. Other than quitting his job, which we already know he does not want to do, I can’t imagine what he could possibly offer to get away from her.
How to you know? Did you read the crystal ball already? You just.don't.know.until.H.is.given.the.opportunity.to.step.up. You will need to hear H out here and allow him to figure out his chit.
I would also ask H in a nonjudgemental way if he experienced any lingering feelings about the OW and if her move might stir them up.
YOU want to open up the windows with H and allow him in. That is what Shirley Glass spoke about in her book, Not Just Friends, where the window opened up between the affair partners that started with their emotions regarding their marriages...then it got deeper and deeper.
You need to the the person that allows H to open up and confide with as his equal partner.
