“overfunctioning is really a control issue” “and it all boiled down to us thinking that we can fix things for others.”
Sorry for pulling quotes out of context. This is what I came to understand as rescuing as it relates to the drama (victim) triangle. As a person with this as a primary response I find myself fighting the tendency to rush in, seize control and fix it daily.
It is the culture I was raised in. It is what I was trained to do. It is a component of the daily work that puts bread in my jar and on the table. People bring me product problems (we call them issues) and I provide advice and documentation to fix them.
In my personal life the people around me are so used to JS stepping in and taking care of it that when I validate and express empathy for how they perceive the problem they are confused. Sometimes disappointed and frustrated that I don’t do more.
Perhaps I have allowed the pendulum to swing to far the other way and need to find a better balance point. At this stage in my healing I refuse to dance upon the triangle.
To my addled thinking: Rescuing promotes control, b/c if I can control it I don’t then need to expend more energy to rescue. Control promotes dependency b/c JS will just take care of it. Dependency promotes abuse b/c why should I have to fix it yet again without recompense of some sort.
So I don’t and in some people’s eyes my value is less b/c I won’t solve their problem and require them to take responsibility for it themselves. This and unspoken unrealized expectations are a couple of the pillars my divorce was built upon.
I apologize for my rant and I will not fail to post this one.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
