1 step forward, 1000 steps back

[Train]

Okay, I think rushing things is the absolute worst idea. Why? Because you seem to be suggesting that you guys being together is going to somehow control him/his impulses. How do I know that's ineffective? Because he was having an A while you guys were living together. Right?

Also, your entire first paragraph, at least to me, sounds like control. And the simple truth is that you have none over your H. If I'm being honest, reading your first paragraph made ME feel rushed and suffocated. Moving him in, discussing every detail and telling him he needs to commit to you 100% comes across as SUPER-controlling. And it's really not going to work in the long-run. That's like applying a band-aid on a wound to stop the bleeding. It'll work for a minute. But the wound is still there.

Let's look at this from YOUR eventual perspective: OW starts her job with your H. You're living in anxiety every, single day. She's with him. You're not. What's going on? Are they having lunch together? Are they talking RIGHT NOW? What's she wearing? Is she trying to lure him today? We've already identified that your anger and anxiety - and the feeling of you having no control - seem to cause you to make spontaneous (and oftentimes unhealthy) choices. Can you imagine living EVERY DAY with that anxiety? Can you handle that, mdu?

Let's say your H moves back in. You guys discuss every detail (if he's not a communicator, as you say, then this is *already* a bad idea), and you develop strategies to minimize his interactions with OW. Are you gonna sit back every day at work and relax, knowing they're together at work but you've got a plan in place to control their interactions? Think about three weeks down the road; how are you feeling? How about three months down the road?

Fact is, mdu, the two of them working together puts your reconciliation-attempts - and your relationship - at VERY high risk for as long as they're in the same building. There's no sugar-coating that.

***

Can you clarify something for me, mdu? You've said your H has said he's "willing to do whatever it takes" for y'all to work things out. But then, you seem to suggest that the transparency plan could really cause a bad reaction. And you've indicated that you guys haven't "cemented" your decision to reconcile. So give me a brief synopsis of exactly where you guys are. It's important because advice is different when you're piecing from when you're trying to work on yourself to re-attract your spouse and gently pull them out of the arms of OP.

And here's the $21 million question: Is your H working in the same building with OW - who is *your* biggest trigger - a deal-breaker for YOU?

Let's start from there.