1 step forward, 1000 steps back

[Train]

mdu, hang in there. I'm on my phone in a parking lot, waiting for my daughter to get out of the store. Will be here with you, and will write, as soon as I'm home.

One thing quickly, though: there's this pattern about you. Your fears and anxieties slowly creep up. Something happens. The roof blows off. And you immediately see where *you* responded poorly. You apologize. And in a day, you're thinking more clearly and are soooo centered and focused.

You're going to get there again; I'm sure of it.

Let this anxiety and fear wash over you today; it's going to anyway because it's hard to control. But don't act on it. Tomorrow (or sooner), you'll be back to mdu. And we are all here for you in the meantime.

When you said your H got defensive, what did he say? You're doing an awful lot of mind-reading in your post (which equates to unnecessary pain and anxiety for YOU). What, specifically, is HE saying about his *feelings* re: OW's move? Have you asked him about how he FEELS about it?