Meeting with L today. Feeling sick already. I don't want to do this. Hopefully she's nice because I'm super crazy anxious.
Talked to H yesterday. That was weird and possibly a mistake. Basically figured out that all this lately has been because of miscommunication - again. He thought he had one to two meetings with a MC to decide 100% to agree to fully 100% recommit to our M. I said I could only give him a couple meetings before I would need to know what direction we were headed in because I had to give notice on my apartment. I told him that my preference was that by then he be able to say that he would offer me at least a boyfriend/girlfriend level of respect and commitment while we continue working with the MC to see if we could save our marriage. So once again, things are a mess because WAH has selective hearing. He still said he was willing to go to a MC to be convinced our M could be saved. I asked him point blank, "If it can be saved, do you want it to be saved?" He said he doesn't know. Sounds like a step backward, not terribly surprising given recent events.
It seems really tragic that all this is happening because H needs to unclog his stupid ears. I asked him, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, if I committed to staying here for one more year, would he commit to going to MC and continuing going. He said he doesn't know and asked if he could get back to me about it today sometime.
I'm really beginning to suspect that there's some OP or potential OP he doesn't want to rule out. That or he wants to start dating or something. I don't know.
All I know is I've got an apartment full of stuff to deal with and I'm so anxious and upset I feel sick and tired all the time.
My mom arrives Friday to help out and I've engaged a pro to come help for about 8 hours which is going to cost a pretty penny indeed.
