He noticed I was down and I said I was just tired but he could see through it. Kept asking and I said no big deal if I wasn't so overtired I wouldn't be over sensitive. He seemed hurt that I wouldn't tell him- kept asking if he did something and I said no. Finally I just told him- it's hard that he wants to leave our home because he doesn't want to spend time with me but he wants to spend time with other people at my house ( I didn't include this part but of course it's my house and not his rental- we built an awesome pool and outdoor grill area a few years back just for having low key get together a like this). I know- bad DBing but it was either tell the truth or him be more upset because I wouldn't talk to him.
^^^ How did this effect his behavior or words in the following days?
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In any case- maybe sharing my feelings wasn't terrible DBing-
I agree. Every case is a little different and your H is still somewhat present. I believe it is possible to build on that in a constructive manner, as long as you are NOT being needy or pursuing. You can be good friends, and even someone he likes to open up to. <<<This would be ideal right now, and seems like something you have an opportunity to achieve.
Now that you’ve told him what you did about his behavior hurting you, allow him to SEE that you really do have a fulfilling and meaningful life outside of your M. I know you’re still working on this and that’s ok! We should never stop growing/improving.
What’s a meaningful and fulfilling life for you? Continue to work on that. Make it real and H will see it… Maybe even want to be part of it someday.
Remember, for the M to work, H is going to have to catch up to YOU. He’s spinning and searching, and you’re the lighthouse on the rock.
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I'm very strong and independent so showing that I want him in my life may help as long as most of the time I'm just doing my own thing.
Right!
Oh, and I know how difficult it can be when your spouse is not interested in snuggling, so... (((hugs)))
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
