Hi Kim, Sounds to me that the guy on the show is totally MLC! I also got the "I only married you because I felt it was the thing to do" ..... after 20 years of marriage and 2 kids (2nd one we tried for a year before she got pregnant). It's all a part of the script. The thing that hurts the most is that at the time she said it, she really believed it.
Let me tell you, as a man, being rejected that way cut me deeply, right down to my soul. The things I had done, the sacrifices I made, the life we had together, the promise of being together forever now gone, all these things and so many more that just disappeared for a bunch of reasons that made zero sense, all that cuts me deeply.
My W seems to think that after a time we will still be "friends". That that is somehow the "mature" thing to do. I think to them they feel like everyone including the LBS should just see that all they did was what they "needed" to do to be "happy". Never mind that if the shoe was on the other foot they would have been cut deeply, right down to the soul. They need to live with themselves. They need to hide from the guilt and shame that they would truly feel if they ever really faced up to what they have done and the hurt and pain they have caused the people that loved them the most. By being "friends" they can say "see, you're ok, I'm ok. It all worked out in the end".
If you read some of the threads from EXmlcers, they all talk about how, when they realized all the pain they caused the LBS, kids, family, etc. the deep pain and shame they felt. Until they face up to this I really don't think they can ever truly come out of the tunnel and will never fully integrate.
