I finally got to the point in our relationship where I realized how angry and frusterated I was getting about the bi-annual (quarterly if lucky), self initiated lovemaking in my 10 year marriage and have been very actively trying to address the problem because I'm having a great deal of difficulty holding the "brake lever" on having an affair. What bothers me is that she's not addressing it with the same degree of vigor that I am. I told her my conearns and feelings and she recognizes that it's a problem. She doesn't like to talk about the problem at all so I simply gave her my SSM book and asked her to take seriously the feelings described by the HS partner. She seems to think that she can solve her desire problems on her own but what she doesn't realize is that I need indicators that she cares about the problem...like completing the book etc. It's so painful because I terribly want this to work out and I still get the impression that she sees this issue as some sort of new, wacky "phase".
