Finding my way - part 2

[Meghan]

Journaling: I'd just left the apartment with a friend for dinner when H. called. I missed the call but called him back. He said he needed help finding a hotel, and I explained that I was out. He said okay, thanks anyway and hung up.

I felt bad because he doesn't know the airport area and I do. I had my friend stop by her place so I could use her computer to look up hotels. I suggested a few options with rooms available over text, and he texted that I should just forget it. I called him to ask if he wanted me to book something since I already had it on the screen, but he said that he'd found a room.

He texted a bit later to thank me for my help. I didn't wind up replying to that, which is probably the only reasonable DBing I pulled off tonight. I felt bad after earlier today and jumped in to help him without thinking about it. I had my friend take me to her place when he seemed annoyed that I was out and couldn't help him. I called when I assumed he was being short with me over text. In short, I'm feeling like I haven't really internalized very much.

I'm home alone now, for the first time in four years, I think. I feel very sad, and very alone, and very scared.