The update today is that the heavy argument was resolved the best way it could be. The good news is I didn't lose control like I normally do when I'm angry. There's a saying I heard once that I love, which is
"I might not be able to make things better, but I can always make them worse."
I've been trying to live by that!
After things cooled down and I stayed far away from him until the next day when I was no longer angry, I approached him with a "so are we friends again?" comment. He nodded. I asked him if he wanted to talk about the night before, and he said yes. Instead of starting first, which I usually do, I said "Ok, go ahead."
He said he felt horrible, and he apologized for the way he acted. He said he hates fighting. I also apologized, and told him that above all else, I want to continue to work on me, and to make this marriage the best it can be. I said that I know we're much better than the way we sometimes speak to each other, and that life is too short to stay angry about stupid things that don't mean anything. He agreed with that...
I also told him how it rattles me and it freaks me out when he yells like that. I didn't harp on his part, but I made it clear that it wasn't ok with me. He asked me if I would promise not to try and get out of the car when we're arguing, and I told him I would. I asked him if he could not yell and I wouldn't try to jump out of the car to get away from him! He said he would. We'll see, but at least it's a start.
Thankfully the DR book talks about progress sometimes being really small, which is fine for me as long as it's forward progress.
I don't know if anyone can relate with this, but there's something I've noticed about arguing with my H. The times when I'm most resentful, especially times when I can clearly hear an argument with him going on in my head , are times when I really need to keep my mouth shut. Almost inevitably, there will be an argument as long as I can still hear chaos and any kind of argument that's still happening in my head. Once I don't hear it anymore, it seems like it's "clear to engage once more". If I can only listen to my own advice all the time!
