She did WAW, then I did EA, now I'm DBing...poorly

[Joe1981]

DLS, I hope my further posts answered to some of your points.

MrBond,
I have done a lot of varied nonsensical attempts to GAL when I went nuts in May and June. This was on the advice of friends and their advice wasn't wrong, but I went about it in a bunch of very wrong ways. I also didn't figure out how to not pursue. The huge explosion of my EA began on the 4th and really came to a head on the 6th of July when she broke down in front of me at the hurt of me having the kids around the OW and her kids. Talk about a bucket of ice water and a slap across the face by a ton of bricks.
Since the 6th, I have tried to 180 as much as I possibly can. I read a lot of DR and part of another book called "It's (Mostly) His Fault" which is really great at showing how men need to learn to actually pay attention to what their wives are saying, not saying, needing, etc. And that in many cases, if men are better husbands, they will end up with great wives since what many women are missing is a man who actually is IN the relationship with them. It hits on the same concept as DR in that one person in the R can change the other with their actions.
I've tried to do a better job of listening to my WAW and have been learning to validate when she talks to me about what was wrong in out marriage.
As much as I'm trying to not pursue and talk about the R, she has continued to push me on the problems which leads to some of that talk. It is also really hard to go dim/dark at a time when we still live together and we have 2 small kids.
Finally, I'm trying to stay active, be fun and positive, and find ways to GAL, which is hard because I have very few friends.
There's a lot more going on, but I'm trying to keep this remotely short.

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying."