It's a mixed bag today..... Good that H called wanting to talk and share with me when things were going really terribly at work today ( hate for him that the feeling of low self worth is clearly creeping in), but then he was distant tonight after his IC.
He always seems to pull back significantly on days he has IC. I'm not sure if he's having to face wounds and difficult topics so he " runs" from me emotionally, or if she specifically directs him to back away. There are some things he's told me about their sessions that seem very helpful, but others that clearly don't value marriage to the same degree I do, and also that push him to handle the kids in a way that is not necessarily the best ( I happen to know his counselor doesn't have kids so I am very wary of her take on things).
I get quite stirred up when he goes to therapy b/c I know it helps in some ways as it makes him think and face some of his issues, but on the flip side his previous counselors pushed him to ask for a divorce as they saw he was " unhappy". In his foggy MLC state I worry that he will listen to things that aren't what he needs to do.
So what this all tells me is I am getting too sucked back into all of this. I can't control what happens and I'm tired of roller coasters so time to get back to detaching and working on me. I was doing so well for awhile.....
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
