Well it's that time of year again. July - the month of marriage memories. The 9th - I was told she wanted a Divorce, 11th - Wedding anniversary, 17th - her sobriety anniversary, 27th - engagement day, and the 30th being her birthday.
This year is interesting. I don't really find myself thinking about it or even sad when I think about it.. however I find my fuse to be ridiculously short this month. I'm just grumpy. So at a subconscious level - it must still bother me. I wonder if it will always be that way.
I told the girl I was into that I was done. That I wasn't going to wait and that I deserved better. The whole situation was just adding to my anger and I really wanted the weight off my shoulder. Her and I are going to check in with each other in 30 days to see if we can salvage our friendship.. but at this point, I know that a friendship is possible only after I have detached and moved on.
It's a shame really. Sometimes I wonder if I talked too much Sh!t about her. Because I do feel really close to her in alot of ways. Unfortunately how she needs to grow and how she is working through that just triggers the hell out of me. And I often wonder if I spend too much time worrying about not turning back into the old Val or making the same mistakes, that I forget to enjoy and accept where I am now.
All part of the growing pains. For right now - I think I'm gonna just be for a bit. Sit still and enjoy the life around me.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
