Barrybran - [Insert Original Thread Title Here]

[Barrybran]

Absolutely and I understand that. I've chosen to support my wife as I want to be someone who supports their family, even when times are bad. It was a conscious decision made with the fantastic help of the members here and despite this latest setback, I stand by it. I had some epiphanies today that helped me understand my decisions and future actions better.

A couple of days ago, when my wife's mood changed, she received an email from a potential employer that effectively said she would go in a queue. Her would-be boss advised her to contact the area manager, which she did and the response she received made her question whether she would actually get the position. She's been down and our interactions have suffered ever since. On top of that, we're trying to do our tax and she can receive more money on her tax return by declaring our separation than by not doing so. Lastly, she discovered yesterday that even by declaring our separation, she would not receive any extra family assistance payments unless she moved out. These issues have really brought money, our relationship and separation and her independence to the front of her mind.

She said something this morning about the last time she was out of work and had to rely on me financially. She mentioned that it didn't go well (it didn't), that she was negative and depressed (she was) and that she is trying to avoid those feelings this time. I didn't catch on at first but her most recent memory of this situation is that she had no independence and I controlled her through money. I feel that she fears this will happen again.

My wife told me last night and this morning that she had no choice but to rely on my income. I told her both times that she was strong and intelligent and that she did have a choice how she moved forward. Whilst I know she has a choice in how she handles her situation, I missed the point that she feels trapped. Once I realised this I apologised for dismissing her feelings.

My wife appears to not consider leaving as an option. Things were fine up until a couple of days ago and this is the first real test for us since I have been through this journey. I understand, as much as it feels unfair, that my role is to continue to support her emotionally when she needs it, listen to and validate her feelings and not jump in and solve her problems. I feel that despite the potentially shaky ground we're entering, I feel pretty confident that I can navigate it now that I understand her fear.