FINALLY SURFACING

[Fartiltre]

I “un followed” W on FB last night. It might seem minor but that was a big decision for me and I might change it back at some point. I found myself looking at how many likes she gets, who likes her posts and so on. Secondly her posts about Ds hurt because they remind me that we are not a family anymore so all though she posts about the Ds and I really like to see the pictures – it hurts more afterwards than it does good in the moment.


This morning I wrote her a short text about the Ds. She hasn’t spoken to them for more than a week and I know how that makes me feel when the opposite occurs so I decided to let her know that everything is good.

Me (8.50AM):
“Good morning
The girls are good :-)
They miss a little but nothing alarming and D7s peeing-problems seems to get better.
We can talk later
Fartiltre”

She called shortly after but I didn’t answer – I was busy doing something with the Ds.

W (11.10AM):
“How nice to get a text like that. Thanks
I almost called yesterday but thought it might do more bad than good…! They are missed very much here as well :-) but I also know you have some great days together. Say hi and give them lots of kisses and hugs”


Ds and I enjoyed the day. We went swimming and then visited friends. I had a good talk with friend about the vacation and he complimented me with something like “You are creating precious memories for your children” Made me feel good!
The deeper I look into this the more I realize that I am a WOA (5LL)…and I start to see the reason for me neglecting our R. This is certainly not an excuse for something just an explanation. W was very good at WOA but stopped at some point. Might be due to my actions or something else. We ended up in that evil spiral that consumes so many Rs. If you are not doing this for me – I won’t do that for you. Not in spoken words but in actions and as I know now, they count even more.
It seems like all these small compliments I get from friends and especially my children is doing me good – they make me feel better every time and they motivate me to work harder.

When we left friends and went home I texted W and asked if I should call her.

The talk lasted for about 20 min and I did most the talking. W asked about what we have been doing and I filled her in. She complimented my choices and told me that it all sounded fun and things like “That’s how a vacation should be”. Even when I told her that D7 and I have been watching the soccer world cup until past midnight she complimented my choice. I also told her about the Ds missing her, but also that it wasn’t too bad.
I told her about me going on vacation next week and she asked about location and who I am going with – she seemed somewhat nosey, but I told her in short what we will be doing.
The convo was very nice and once again I talked much more than usual and more than her.

We discussed what to do about the last week of vacation – W is certain that we agreed I should have the Ds. I am certain that we didn’t but told her that we will find a solution.

I asked her no Qs beyond the things she brought up.
She did once refer to one of my post on FB so something she does see.
She didn’t interrupt me even once (It almost feel like she attended a skill course in listening 1-2 months ago)

In a convo like this I feel/mindread several things. I feel her thinking:
WTF is happening – why didn’t he do that earlier on?
I feel her wanting to participate
I feel her wanting to talk. Not about R but about some of all the Qs she has in her head about what is happening to me. I feel her having Qs!
She seems less gone in a convo like this than 5 min. before.

I guess the above is positives but it is still just me guessing or mindreading.

So, focus back on me! I will see W on Sunday and does not expect to talk to her before this.
I want to make the Ds last days of vacation special and then I look forward to a guy’s holiday with a dear friend the week after.
We will visit a small city in Poland that was destroyed in WW2 and then rebuild – I look very much forward to this. I have visited Poland 10 times or so, but always on hunting tours and therefore I look forward to actually seeing a town. Afterwards we visit Berlin and that will be nice as well.