My H's MLC #2

[GoatGal]

Ssarah,

You need a life preserver, so I'm throwing you one---catch!!!!


No. You have NOT blown it.

Frankly, I'm amazed that you put up with this for so long. You are only human.
He is not treating you with the respect you deserve.

DBing POV: Yes. Snooping leads to this kind of thing.
OTOH, at some point you need to know whether or not you're being given the doormat treatment, and it sounds like you were.

Now you know better.

It's really going to be about the overall interactions, not just one or two big baddies.
If that were the case, there would be no one on this board because we'd all be divorced and there would be no hope...

In my case, I ran my H through the ringer with every emotion you can describe for weeks. Then the rage turned to sadness, physical illness, throwing up every time he came home.

I called him every name in the book, OW too, I cursed him, told him I wished he were dead, that he disgusted me, that I would never let him touch me again, that he was a limp-d*ck loser, sick creeper, pathetic old man, deluded, pathetic... if I thought of it, I said it.

And a part of me needed to get this out. Not all the hurtful stuff, some of it I didn't even really mean, but I wanted to HURT HIM so he'd know how I felt.

Of course, it didn't have any effect because he had no empathy and it only fueled his desire to run away.

Here's the upside though.

I found this board, changed my behavior, and although we are still "estranged", it's a lot better between us.

I think he needed to see and hear how I felt, what he did to me, even if he couldn't digest it at the time.

I was being honest about how I felt, and so were you.

I know exactly how you felt and only a saint could have looked over at him "sleeping" calmly like the cat who ate the canary and you're supposed to just suck it up and pretend you're just find and dandy.

I think at some point, it's unrealistic.

Which is why I had to get my H out. I could NOT live with him if he was going to continue doing some of those things.

It's painful,disrespectful, cruel... and it will make you sick if you allow that stuff inside.

Maybe it's best if he's out for a while.

After all, how can he respect you if now he KNOWS that you know the gory details, and here you are being all sweet and supportive?

I think you have to define exactly where your boundaries are, and I strongly suspect he just stepped over a bunch of them.

What are the consequences? What are YOU going to do in response?

He is going to continue doing whatever--but how are YOU going to handle this?

It's not the end of the world. It's just a bump. And maybe it needed to happen.

Learn from it, and draw your line in the sand.

I feel your pain. This is about as bad as it gets.

((((((Ssarah))))))'


---GGG