Reading here for a while. My situation has become such that I now need advice .....here we go: Started dating in early 2008. Married April 2010. Became best friends and had a very powerful connection/soul mates. Neither of us expected to feel so strongly for each other. Open, honest, completely trusting, great sex, great laughs and peaceful existance. In Feb of 2014 my wife dropped a bomb. No longer wants to be married, it is not for her. No longer feels the same about us. We do not fight, no OM/OW, just what I think is a lot of miscommunication and expectations. I have no reasons. She filed in May 2014. i answered by June 30th 2014. My answer was denying agreement and wrote judge a note asking for at minimum 12 therapy sessions from a neutral therapist. This, in order to reconcile or gain some closure.
There had been no attempts to reconcile, nor has she shared any of her discussions or thoughts about her therapy (going since Oct. 2013)
To date, she agreed to a few therapy session, via her attorney. We are on a waiting list for appointment. I am Pro se. She felt forced at my answer and really got "pissed" at me. I told her that this divorce would be detrimental to her, our children, and I. This is not the answer for us and we should try to work things out, instead of just sweeping it under the rug and quitting. Since this filing, we do not discuss future, our issues, we still are in same bed, same home, and have a 3.5 year old and during summer, my 10yr old from a previous marriage. She loves both kids very much. I have been in therapy with her old therapist since March 2014. I am attempting 180 since June 2014 and taking a stand since July 2014.
Our communication, as long as it is not about relationship is good.No sex, no "I love you", occasional hug, I touch her when talking. Listening more. Taking time to love the most. Wash my clothes seperate as I have for the past few years, and do not ask, but grab hers if room in the wash.I wash/dry and lay flat. I do not fold and put her stuff away. I make the bed if time permits. I keep my mess to a minimum. I smile, sing in the shower, dress nice and act "as if". I take care of the youngest some nights, giving her some "quiet time" Other nights we split the bath/bedtime routine.
We have issues when she get frustrated with busy child and her stay at home high stress job for an IT company. I work an hour away (where we met) and commute an hour each way.
I have stopped pursuit since may 2014. Since working on 180's I have seen changes back to her old ways. Not sure if this is positive...? She asks who is texting when my phone goes off. She makes jokes with me. She takes showers and changes clothes in front of me. She offers to help with dinner. Makes plans on weekend for family time. Makes time for herself (in Feb. said she needed more down time/I took the kids out every Saturday and let her do whatever) I buy all groeries as I always have. Now buying her favorites without her asking when she runs out.
I am just trying to be more attentive and do more without saying anything. I love her and know that DB book and other books have helped, but I am starting to get confused. Denial? False hope? Is this working? HELP
