Thanks for sharing that, Betsey! I too understand over functioning and I also understand that it's not loving. It's perceived as loving and that's how we get away with it lol. In my case, SDA lady was a classic example. When she decided to leave her job (and it was HER decision therefore HER responsibility) I went nuts trying to help her find a job. I was scouring the job sites, picking up application forms, swinging by places I thought might be hiring etc. Of course, she saw this as a loving gesture but really, it wasn't. It was me taking care of my anxiety. It was me saying I didn't have confidence in her to make her way. It was me trying to be super boyfriend so I wouldn't get dumped! Where was she in that calculation? Nowhere! I was taking care of me and my anxiety...not her! This is often what parents do to, rather than letting their kids make their way we jump in and try to orchestrate everything in their lives to alleviate our own anxieties. We're saying "I don't believe in you" Wow, what a horrible way to treat our kids...but it's viewed as just parents loving their kids and wanting the best for them. Where the line is between support and over functioning is the question. It's tough.
