FWIW, I have some of the same tendencies as Voldy does though I work really hard at understanding them and suppressing the acting out portion. My IC way back in 2003 diagnosed me as a full blown crazymaker. And it fits me to a T.
Crazymakers tend to create/add to drama then be the solution. It's all a ruse - inherently designed to be a distraction from the real source of anxiety. And I can tell you, it svcks and undoubtedly was a huge factor in my marital strife.
I'd even go so far as to say that on my mom's side of the family (hell, we're not even Asian!), we suffer from mild to severe anxiety disorders. We litter the landscape with our issues.
I even have the tendency to travel the same route with my own D20 as Voldy does. My D20 applied to take a class in summer school at a local university, and because she didn't check the school mail, she missed the deadline for it. It was necessary for her to get this class done so she could travel abroad to Australia next spring. And let me tell you, I was frantic. I started spewing what I thought she should do and gave orders and deadlines. I began my own manic tailspin and then literally had to use calming techniques to stop myself from making it a much bigger issue. Yet... my D20 was calm.
I was really embarrassed when she told me that the signs all along had been leading her to the conclusion that she just shouldn't go. So she announced to her dad and me that she just wants to buckle down, get her degree and then get out of school. Period. Then she'll do what I did: after graduation, she'll travel there for a few months and get to know her family without school getting in the way.
In the old days, I would have definitely acted on it. I'm happy to report that I didn't do anything but spew orders, but I'm still a little ashamed that I literally couldn't stop myself from diverting from my own issues to go into that ugly mode. It's sometimes easy for me, and sometimes hard. Right now, I'm finding it hard because I'm menopausal, can't sleep from my awful night sweats, totally sleep deprived, dealing with the estate issues that keep popping up like some malfunctioning whack-a-mole game, trying to work and parent, and also trying to take better care of myself. I kinda feel like I'm losing the game, you know?
So as much as I can say how Voldy treats your daughters as a result of her issues isn't right (and it REALLY isn't), I'm ashamed to see myself in her too.
I meant what I said when I said that your girls are so fortunate that they have you for a parent. I feel that way about Mr. Wonderful too. He has none of my crap and can deal with sh!t that pops up just fine. And I'm grateful that my D20 can go to him and expect a reasonable response while I'm off fretting about whatever I fret about.
At the very least, I understand that the root of my stress is grief, topped with a thick layer of anxiety about the future icing. I'm trying to scrape it away so that only the cake is highlighted, but it's work for me at the moment. Voldy hasn't done the work, I so I'd expect it to be uglier. And if she's going through the change, well... uh oh. Be glad it's just you and turtle.
I'm trying to get some Rx relief from my gyno for my horrid symptoms, but they can't get me in until August 8 for the consult. She asked me if I could be pregnant. I was kind of pissed when I said, "Who'd have sex with me at this point in my life?" And sadly, I meant it.
Just keep being the good you that you are. I really appreciate you posting your truths. It tends to help me focus on what I need to do to be a better me too. You have no idea.
Hugs, Wii.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
