Trying to find my way

[Meghan]

I just read Hopeful Still's post, those points are what made your first post so difficult for me to read.

You had and emotionally abusive R before, did you get help and counseling after that? (you might have addressed this before-you can give me the Reader's Digest version)

I was in IC during that time and have been since then, but now that you mention it, I'm not sure it's been adequately addressed - we focused more on getting me out of that relationship and then on my anxiety, without a lot of work on not letting the cycle repeat itself. H. certainly seemed like a better option than my ex, but I wonder if that earlier relationship has left me not as able to set boundaries or avoid getting walked all over because I'm now so conflict averse and so inclined to blame myself and to think that I'm the problem.

I've always been a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me, I hate conflict, and I almost never rock the boat. These are not good things for asserting your needs and not getting treated like a doormat, though.

Looking back, I suspect that I've just tried to push my concerns aside, or to brush any needs that might be difficult to ask him to meet aside. I've asked for things I've needed, but often in the context of other discussions or arguments, sometimes started by him, but also sometimes started when I've reached a point of immense frustration. I don't feel that I argue very well - I always feel like I wind up apologizing in an argument, even if it was my concern on the table.