Just getting caught up with your posts. Thank you for sharing and really giving us LBS some valuable cracks across the heads with a 2x4...i for one really need to hear your voice here. So sorry your M has made you come to this point.
Shanti you are my WAW's doppleganger. The money issue was more sore though cause I just was inconsistent over the years providing for her, she ended up in a MLC and we separated 17 days ago (yep..i love her and am keeping track) you can find my story thread here:
soon as you speak our language "I am divorcing, leaving you" we finally listen. Does it seem fake to you ? sure it does. We have been feeding our hurting WAW ground beef for decades and when we bring out a grade A top sirloin you wouldn't know what to do with it! WE don't even know if we have bbqed it properly. My wife has said the exact same things:
"When you touch me you just make my skin crawl" "I hate coming home to you" she was deppressed this whole year and through IC realized it was "because" of me "When do I get to do something right for me (divorce)? Why do I have to suffer in this marriage so everyone else can be happy" "I am so done...this is too little too late"
That frantic needy H of yours is at a crisis point where if he plays his cards right YOU will have the husband you have always dreamed of, longed for...but he needs to snap out of his suffocating behaviours that are pushing you off the cliff, where he is expecting you to change direction in freefall!
So far we have only heard your side of the story...and not alot of things about what you need to change to fix this sinking boat. SO what are your shortcomings that have hurt him and made your H not feel like he was valued...cause maybe this may have encouraged him to listen more
If you read my story the non confrontating, no fighting communication thing played heavy into our "years of her telling me she was unhappy". Turns out she is a lousy communicator and I am a lousy listener...thank you broken family systems.
She also says she doesn't trust me anymore with all my flowery words and promises so now....there has not been any words except what I believe God has been saying to me "win her back quietly" Proving to myself I can change and then letting that benefit my world: work, church, family, kids and my W too...she will not be able to deny this. I win even if she doesnt come back and I LIKE the new me!
Will this win her back? I am building a castle with my bare hands for her to live in so that is the intention. If not? I have already had another interested beauty remark on my newfound confidence and changes...and my W would be a fool not to keep these hard earned changes.
It does sound like you do have a happy weekend with your H but you need him to do the "right things, not just the nice things". Be patient, he will get the picture that his begging, pleading, placating you isn't working and hopefully start changing tactics.
The gift of DR/DB and this community is that I have learned these two great truths:
Divorce doesn't make you happy Marriage doesn't make you happy YOU make you happy.
I hope you found my 2cents helpful and your H has an amazing woman in you...hope he can realize that so you get the love you deserve from him and the marriage you have always dreamed of.
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
