I helped him pack a few things this morning and was cheerful through the whole thing. He came out at one point and asked if he should take his wedding ring or not - it's now so loose that it falls off when he wears it and he said he didn't want to lose it. I told him to do whatever made him most comfortable. He said that if he know what that was he wouldn't have asked, but he wound up leaving it here.
He got the call that the cab was here, and got his things together. I stood in front of him, and he told me to have fun and not to wreck the apartment with wild parties - I said there was no danger of that. I wished him safe travel and a good trip, and then we just stood there and looked at each other awkwardly. After a bit he said that he should go, and I said yes and that I'd lock up. I didn't cry until the door was shut.
I've had some moments this morning where I've been second guessing myself. I worry that he will interpret no hug or kiss as more of me not giving him the physical intimacy that he wants. But then, it seems like everything I do is wrong - if I do hug or kiss him I'm meeting my own needs or trying to save the relationship, but if I don't I'm not meeting his needs and possibly not trying to make this work. I have no idea what to do with any of this, but I hate what it does to me.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
