I would suggest that you give H a heads up by phone or in person that you'll be presenting a transparency plan to H sometime this week for the two of you to discuss in person at a later time.
Meanwhile, you will have some time to work on this here with input from other DBers.
My initial thought is that you might want to let go some of the conditions. For me, the following two are overly stringent:
• Totally transparency regarding your whereabouts and who you are with • Total transparency with all electronic communications including
You don't want H to feel like he's on a short leash with you. If he feels that way, boy he'll build up resentment so fast that he'll be out of the door once again and possibly for good. I am not saying this to come down heavy on you...just telling it as I see it.
You cannot possibly monitor every movement H makes or every communication H makes with family, friends, and colleagues. That shows him that you DO NOT trust him to step up at all. Not the way to go in beginning the re-building process.
Let's review your list here:
• Absolutely no contact with the other woman ever again. If there ever is any contact, even if initiated by her, I need you to let me know immediately so we can deal with it together. This includes work related contact. Agreed 7/10: If she reaches out to H will ask her to never directly contact him again. If it is a work related issue he will direct her to one of his employees. It looks like H has already addressed this part and is forthcoming with you on this particular request. Do you feel this is the case?
• Totally transparency regarding your whereabouts and who you are with
Can you please explain your reasoning behind this request?
• Total transparency with all electronic communications including: o List of all contacts in your phone and who they are o List of all communication apps on phone and computer (facebook, snapchat, email, etc) and all passwords o Freedom to review your phone or computer and anything on it at any time
What is the plan here? How often do you plan to check them? For how long? At some point you will need to let go of them and begin to trust H. It would not bode well for the M if H feels that you're constantly breathing down his neck.
