"Speak Softly" The MLC Version

[GoatGal]

You're right, Wonka.

And I have my own baggage, obviously. But I try not to let that weigh me down or define me. I actively work on that now, and I always have.

Things I can't live with:

Constant emotional distance. I can handle plenty, but we need to connect more often.

Inability to cooperate, communicate, plan and work as a team so we can get things done. (He resists plans, agreeing to anything...) Plan ahead to complete projects, compromise, etc. We are in the middle of a whole-house remodel. I live in chaos. This is a must.

The tendency to see any disagreement/suggestion as criticism. So it's impossible to come to agreement about things. I don't bother about little things, but when it comes to our health/welfare and that of our animals, there IS a right and a wrong way to do things! (I'm talking SAFETY here.)

Unwilling to communicate his needs and wants. Wants me to 'just know".

Stubborn resistance to change, to adapt, to try something new.

Unwilling to look awkward, cut loose, and just enjoy.

Inability to process his emotions and express them constructively, instead resenting me for things that are not my fault.

Dishonesty/secrecy/hiding

Passive/covert aggression, manipulation.

Porn and OW or any "cheating"

Unwilling to learn new behaviors so he can meet more of MY needs in the R, physically, emotionally, sexually.

Unwilling to compromise in general. He just says "I don't want to". End of discussion. If I push it, historically he'd blame me and send me off on a tangent.
I'm wise to that now.

This is just what I dashed off---and I don't like it because it all focuses on him and all the negatives.

I think it would be more constructive to frame this positively in terms of what I do want from him, specifically.

So I'm not going to delete this "list of his faults" as I would like, because these are the things I am no longer willing to have in my M to the extent that they have been.

I don't expect perfection or a total change, but baby steps towards improvement that occurs over time, with no return to the way things were.

If not, I'd rather be alone.

---GGG