I just read Hopeful Still's post, those points are what made your first post so difficult for me to read.

You had and emotionally abusive R before, did you get help and counseling after that? (you might have addressed this before-you can give me the Reader's Digest version)

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss