One giant leap forward! - Part 10

[T1000]

I definitely think you should talk to her.

The questions I have today are about you.

You say this happened because you weren't paying enough attention to her-if that's so, why? You're in a new R and you say you love her and everything is great...but you're not paying her enough attention.

Why is that? There may be valid reasons. What are they? I'm not saying you need to list them all here but think about it.

I prefer to get it out here. The feedback is always appreciated whether I agree or not or whether I can stomach it or not.

I just stop being the sexy charasmatic guy I can be. I get jealous, insecure, stuck in my ways, lazy (R lazy).
Being more in touch with myself than I have been in the past I felt like a 3rd party watching my confidence in myself get less and less and my insecurities increase the further into the relationship I got. That is why I started that book on retroactive jealousy, I could see it, feel it.
Why am I lazy...just am. At the start I'm doing what I need to do to start an R. Just the right amount of compliments, just the right amount of attention and effort, if I didn't it wouldn't go anywhere.
Once I'm there I just coast.
I still do things little things like help her out, give her lifts, fix things for her, advice, all the partner stuff accept the "love" attention. It's like I'm wanting a pat on the head for doing all that stuff and the funny thing is if I dropped all that I just paid her attention the outcome would most likely be better. (slaps palm on forehead).

What is "enough" attention for her?

I think more compliments. If she asks me about her body I can be clinical. She's into the gym and trys so hard and I just look at the goal she is trying to acheive and discuss it in them terms rather than throwing her a compliment bone.
My "Mr Fix It" hat is on and hard to take off.

Having the kids and still dealing with your STBX, do you have enough "extra" attention that a R requires?

You have a point. At the same time, won't I always have just enough of a plate full of things to deal with?
I think I would be the same or possibly worse at the above if I didn't have things to deal with in my life. It is sadded stress but it makes me sit up, take note and look around rather than coasting.

So I'm either doing nothing or looking for things to fix.
Once again just typing it on here has opened my eyes that much further.