We didn't talk about the trip last night. Instead, we worked on my resume. (I'm applying for a job and he asked me a few days ago if I had "the courage" to send him my resume and cover letter. Fascinating. Why wouldn't I have courage? I'm a smart woman and can write a letter. When I sent it, his response was, "Try as hard as I may, I have no improvements to make to this letter." Thank you, Mr. Important Businessman.)
We did all of our "work" remotely from one another. He disappeared into his office, I stayed in my kitchen...Communicating over iChat seems to be where we do the most "talking" these days.
At any rate - things are still shifting. He asked me last night if we had any "sleep tea." I guess he really is struggling with sleeping these days. So, I said yes and he asked me to make him a cup, which I did. Then I left the house to get our daughter. Honestly, I had hoped that he'd be asleep by the time I returned, but he was still on top of the covers, waiting for me. I said good night and we went to sleep..
There seems to be a heavy blanket of silence between the two of us now. This morning we lay in bed after the alarm went off for about 45 minutes. At one point I asked him if I was supposed to be encouraging him to go for a run or a bike ride. He said no - it was his rest day from training (and I was supposed to know that since he's sent me his schedule). Anyway - the total silence is new. It's weird. New stage? Not sure. Can't mind read, so I'm just observing.
He mentioned the other day that he wants to go bowling with the whole family before the girl goes to camp for a month. Tonight was the night that could happen, and I told him so. Do I remind him of this, or do we just see if he remembers? Planning something but not executing it seems to be one of his specialties right now.
Lastly - I had to take the boy to his summer school class this morning, and H was in the bathroom when we left. I sent him a text to say good bye, and he answered, "C ya."
It sent me right clear around the bend.
H is a college educated 43 year old man who has NEVER resorted to text speak, and who used to mock those who did. I KNOW that is language that OW uses in her messages (because he used to make fun of her poor grammar and spelling skills).
What a flipping setback that was for me. It felt like the straw that broke the camel's back. I had a cry like I haven't had in a while.
So today I'm pondering how much patience I really have. Is it time to ask him to go away? (Over "c ya"?) I don't even know what's happening there. Is he going into the depression stage? Does he have ANY idea that he may lose me (I doubt it....although he has pursued some since I've been detaching....but I don't think he fears losing me. Can't mind read!)
So much to do today. Got to work on applying for this job, and signing up for volunteer work....and generally moving on without looking at this flipping nightmare anymore. It's so exhausting.
