Wonka - thanks for the reminder to stick it out with d16. This whole episode is teaching me things and this is certainly part of it. Yes, I can see hanging with Dad may not be the most exciting activity for her.
I found out when fall break is here and asked what d16 would like to do on our planned trip, so making it a bit more real for her. It was fun to hear what my nearly adult daughter was interested in (climbing Mt. Fuji, but it is too late in the year, and seeing sumo!).
Bond - it was I who started the discussion with d16, I laid out the problems, and I listened, treating her as an adult. She did not dictate what I should do (this was already pretty clear from a discussion with my sister), but rather affirmed it for me. I thought the interchange was very good. These sort of talks should not happen too often, I think, though, as they are weighty for a 16 yr old and have the possibility of parent child role inversion.
MLC - it was my d16 who told me that she and PW would be living in Stockholm during the week, not my PW. I looked up what my legal rights are re custody and division of property (PW = Pretend Wife, to use your terminology) and Sweden is pretty simple on that front.
My PW has done this escape thing before, twice, getting her own apartment while we were married (!). I got invited over a lot, sure, but it was clearly a matter of needing A Room of One's Own. The arrangement seems to be envisioned that the girls come home on the weekend, relax, clean up, and finish up the house in preparation for selling. I should confront PW and ask what she is thinking.
Yes, I need to take more charge. Divorcing here is very simple, no lawyer required, with the two of us just signing a form and sending it and a payment into the local courthouse. W has said she just wants half the house, so that makes it even easier.
I filled some cracks in a beam this morning, a tiny task closer to selling.
The Tiny Buddha website has good thoughts on letting go (and I am sentimental and attached to things and places and people):
"I thought, “Wow, maybe this is the opportunity to really pursue what I want to do with the rest of my life! What if the universe was just gently pushing me out of my comfortable nest, and forcing me to fly?”
And thus I have discovered: Sometimes the dreams we chase and the life we design for ourselves really do provide us with happiness and peace, and yet sometimes it takes letting go, and having faith like we have faith in our next breath, that there is a divine and perfect order; we just might not be seeing it at the time. "
This non-attachment stuff seems to contradict being in love though, at least love of the usual kind. Any married Buddhists out there who can advise?
I sometimes think that retirement could be biking from place to place, moving with the seasons, enjoying wherever I am, until a truck abruptly ends the tale.
