Reading through your situation, I'm really not surprised that you have not felt like having S with your H. He has no job, didn't help around the house as he should have (especially given he has no job !), is unable to make friends, goes to bed hours after you do (taking the bed while you,sleep on a futon) and has managed to gain weight even though he has literally all day to keep in shape. Gee, I wouldn't want to ML to someone like that either!
So, here's a H that most folks would look at and completely understand your diminishing respect and lack of desire for, and he has you convinced that the problem in your M is YOU!? Do you want your H back as he is today? A man with no job, no friends, is no help and has no ambition? I'd take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if that's what you REALLY want or if you're just afraid to be alone.
I think the best way to win your H back is to get some self respect and insist that the only way that you would take HIM back is if he got his act together. Right now, as odd as it sounds, your H has lost respect for you because no matter how low he goes, you still supplicate to him. Why? If you want your H to fight for you, and improve for you, and you want to FEEL like ML to him, then you must become someone worthy of that.
You are educated, have a job, do most of the house work, and I'm sure are a great person. Why are you settling? I'll bet dollars to donuts that instead of crying and pursuing and enticing him to want to have S with you- if you turned the tables and suddenly valued yourself, and asked him how soon he could move out, he'd be begging for a second chance from you! That's when you tell him he can't have you until he grows up and becomes a man that a woman would want....
