Well, H has been hiding money.

We had a big ol' fight about it and any hope I had for reconciliation is 100% dead at this point. He finally got a new checking account - after spending lots from "our" account, of course - locked me out of my bill pay, I can't get statements anymore, he changed the direct deposit to less than I can live on, and then he transferred his phone number from the family account - even though I was the sole owner for the account - and got a new phone. All a childish, hissy fit reaction to me moving. Gods forbid I do what's best for me for a change. This is what I get. More lies, more deceit, more abuse, more attempts to be controlling and manipulative. Nice. I keep thinking more and more how horrifying immature H is emotionally. It really does explain everything. Only an immature person would walk out on our M like he did without a fight.

I can't wait to get the f#ck away from here. I really don't want to see him anymore. I wish I could stab the bit of me that still loves him to death and be done with it. Three and a half years of me trying to DB this mess and he did NOTHING. He sabotaged everything.

Let this be a warning to all you DBers... there's such a thing as too long, too far. When you've been DBing so long and given up other opportunities to keep that door open for your WAS for so long ... when it doesn't work out, it becomes a whole 'nother mess to have to claw your way out of, start all over, detach all over again, hurt again, and get on with life all over again. When DBing fails, it hurts almost as much as when your WAS first dropped the bomb. Actually, it hurts more, in a way. Because they betrayed your covenant and you STILL stayed committed to the marriage... and it meant nothing. I'm really angry. And really hurt.

I should have filed when I felt stronger and more confident and pulled together. It might have even saved my M. Still don't believe this is what my WAH wants. So much says he's just hurt and scared and STUPID.

I have an appointment with a L on Wednesday. Whoopdy doo. Let's all be grown ups about this, right? *eye roll*sigh* So much for his claims to want to do this fairly and amiably on our own.


Me: 36
Ex-H: 36
Met/friends 9/2000
Fling 5/2002-8/2002
R: 2/2005
M: 8/2/2008
Ex-H online A: 11/2009 (discovered)
Ex-H filed 8/1/2014
D final 10/2015

DS: 19 (mine)
DD: 7 (with Ex-H)
DD: 2 (mine)