Trying to find my way

[Meghan]

Sorry youre having a rough time with this. I know how it is to know exactly what you should do but it still being very hard to make yourself do it.

I appreciate the sympathy - it really is hard to do sometimes, but there are so many people who've gone through this same thing. So much of what I should do seems like exactly the opposite of what I want to do, but I do think it's getting a bit easier, so long as I can call a friend or come here to get all the crazy emotional stuff out.

I honestly think that this time apart might do you some good here. It might help him miss you. It might also work wonders for your sanity.

I've come around to this point of view, and I do hope that this is the case. Clearly, things aren't getting better under present conditions. A friend of mine described it as being smushed up against each other with major issues, which isn't going to help anything. H. is here all the time, and I'm off for the entire summer, so it's two people who aren't doing all that much in a one bedroom apartment. Even with his long walks and my GAL we're still both here quite a bit.

You want him to see you as someone that he wants to have sex with again. Eventually it is gonna drive him nuts. Again it isnt the answer to every problem just hopefully a way to break down a barrier.

I've tried to add in some subtle touching. I'm going really, really slowly, since it's something that he says he doesn't want, but I've touched him on the shoulder or the arm while making a point at least once a day for the past few days. I want him to remember that I care for him and show that I want to touch him, but not in a way that screams "trying to save the relationship". It's a hard line to walk.

The best thing you can do while he is gone is stay busy though. Keep your mind off of it. It wont be easy, but you can do it.

I have dinner plans with a friend tomorrow, and will hopefully spend some time giving the apartment a good cleaning. I'm going to go visit my family for a week or two and will see some old friends while I'm there. I'm also trying to connect with a few friends that I haven't talked to in years - I've let some relationships slip, and I'd really like to get those back on track.

When he goes to leave, I would leave it at a simple "have fun." Thats it, very casual and dont show any emotion other than a smile when you say that. Dont call him or ask him to call you or anything. You will be concerned with yourself. Dont tell him to tell his family hello or anything like that either.

The plan is to keep it as light and casual as possible. It's going to be hard, I may wind up fighting tears, and it might take an anti-anxiety pill to get me through, but I'm going to do my best because I do think it's important. I hope he's not looking for emotion as a sign that I still love him, since he hasn't felt that loved in the relationship, but I think showing him some strength and independence is the better option.