Act as if you love cats, you enjoy their companionship and you want a cat. It doesn't have to have meaning beyond that.
You make it sound so simple, labug! Instead I'm thinking about things like.. "well if I get a cat, I'll want to take pictures of it and post them to facebook... and then H will see them... and that may not help things because then he'll think I'm no longer interested in coming back home because I got a cat and 'gave up' on him and our cat..." etc. etc. etc. Things like this and the bill issues (which I'll get to shortly) make the limbo part hard. In some ways it'd be easier if we were D because all that stuff would be sorted out permanently and we wouldn't have to be in contact at all.
Re: bills, H was supposed to change the cell phone bill to deduct from his checking account instead of our joint checking account, since I'm still paying health insurance for both of us. A payment was posted last week from the joint account, though. I texted him to ask if he had gotten that changed and if it was still pending, and his response was just so over-the-top with excuses for himself: "Not yet. I don't know if I know the password or the website for it, but I've honestly not spent much time on the computer when I'm not at work the last month so I haven't done a few things I know I need to do. I've made sure to check or pay bills, just didn't get it transferred yet."
WTH? A simple "I'm sorry, I didn't do it yet, I'll get right on it" would suffice. Or just an apology. Or just admit you forgot. It takes five minutes to go on and put in a new checking account number. And what's up with that "I've not spent much time on the computer" statement? On the one hand, good, maybe he's finally getting over his fantasy sports and other things he used to spend hours a day on. On the other hand, my mind wanders to who he might be spending his time with that might be keeping him busy... How do you check on a bill without realizing "oh yeah, I need to change where this bill gets paid from?" H was very adament that I took care of too many things for him and he needed/wanted to do things for himself without me reminding him or taking over, but he's not really showing that he CAN take care of these things. Hence, why it seems better to just split all that stuff up so he's only responsible for his own stuff. Grr.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
Instead I'm thinking about things like.. "well if I get a cat, I'll want to take pictures of it and post them to facebook... and then H will see them... and that may not help things because then he'll think I'm no longer interested in coming back home because I got a cat and 'gave up' on him and our cat..." etc. etc. etc. Things like this and the bill issues (which I'll get to shortly) make the limbo part hard. In some ways it'd be easier if we were D because all that stuff would be sorted out permanently and we wouldn't have to be in contact at all.
How do you check on a bill without realizing "oh yeah, I need to change where this bill gets paid from?" H was very adament that I took care of too many things for him and he needed/wanted to do things for himself without me reminding him or taking over, but he's not really showing that he CAN take care of these things. Hence, why it seems better to just split all that stuff up so he's only responsible for his own stuff. Grr.