Trying to detach

[HeadUp]

My W said 2 weeks ago that she wanted a divorce through a text. I have been living at my mom's house for the past 6 weeks now. It started off as a fight that needs time and said she loved me and hugged me and was good then it started being distant and not knowing if she wanted to be with me. So I tried to push us going good to counseling and she said she didn't want to go because she didn't trust me and that she wants her happiness and why should she have to give up her happiness to keep a relationship together.

I had the kids that weekend and I told her I didn't want a D and that we could work this out. That was when she dropped that she didn't love me for the past 2 years and that she thought of other men and that she settled for me 8 years ago. I did the yell and told her she wasn't a bad person. She cried the whole time on the phone.

I wrote a letter (before I knew of this website) telling her how I felt and that I felt betrayed and that I felt used. She turned around took off her marriage status off of social media and called that night about child support. I give her my whole check and I spend maybe 100 out of 3000 and still pay all the bills and the rent for a house I am not living at and for her to go out and party.

I took my step S to a show and I asked how his was and he told me she was going out every night when she is supposed to be watching the kids and not getting back till the morning. I got the kids later the next morning and she was mad that I didn't get them the Friday night but got them early sturdy morning and how it wasn't fair for her and she didn't get to go out this whole week. So I said something (wwrong thing to say) and now I am stalking her and calling everyone to check on her when I am not and she won't listen because she doesn't trust me.

I need a weekend off and I told her this today in a text. She called telling me that it wasn't fair for her to have them 7 days while I had a weekend off so now I am watching the kids until Friday when they were supposed to go back home tomorrow and I won't see them u til next friday.

I want to detach myself and the DB book is being delivered tomorrow. I don't know what she is doing or with who and I want to text her and I get on here and want to say hey I need help keeping strong. I know I am part to blame for my marriage and I am taking steps to fix that. I want to be a better man for me and my kids. I do think want to lose her but I have to be realistic and say I probably already did. Please help me through this time.