Doing all right

[BrightFuture]

Opps, my thread locked before I was able to reply.
Here is the link:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2448851&page=11

This is how I feel these days:

“Yesterday my life was in ruins
Now today I know what I'm doing
Got a feeling I should be doing all right
Doing all right

Where will I be this time tomorrow?
Chasing joy or drinking in sorrow
Anyway I should be doing all right
Doing all right

Simply waiting for the sign
Waiting here to find the words to say
Sitting waiting all this time here
All the time you're away
Sitting waiting for the sign
And anyway I got so far

Yesterday my life was in ruins
Now today I've learned what I'm doing
Anyway I should be doing all right
Doing all right”

I think I’m doing all right. Slowly moving towards the acceptance.

Bringing this from my previous thread:

Bright, I do believe there are degrees of MLC. If they do a lot of damage it is harder for them to return - assuming they want to. It really is a question of letting go, and being as pleasant as possible while setting boundaries.

I don’t know degree of MLC my H is in. I think it is very hard on the inside for him, but he is not a mean MLCer and tries to maintain good appearance.

Someone once said it is a fine line between being a b*tch and a doormat.

So true! Sometimes I feel like a doormat for allowing H to kind of cake eating. And then when I think to set the boundaries, I feel like a b*tch.

I think we get to the point when we ask ourselves, would I want this person back in my life? The power is with us - when we are abandoned it feels as if that person takes the power away with them, and gradually as we work on ourselves we start to believe in ourselves again.

For a long time we see ourselves through the eyes of the abandoner, as worthless, but they are wrong, not us. We are people of worth, and they are the ones with problems. Actually internalising this takes a lot of time and work, Easy to say, much harder to do.

I think I’m still in denial thinking that H is still that kind and loving guy he once was. With him being so far away, it is hard to picture him as a troubled man in crisis. I cannot say that I don’t believe in myself. I don’t need H, I can handle almost everything on my own. It was nice to have him doing house projects and taking care of some other things though. And I would love to have all this along with the companionship and friendship we used to have.

Maybe it is finally clicking that I’m not the cause of his unhappiness.

Even if it is, it's not very likely he'll tell you about it for a very long time. But Bea is right - when we're first wounded we put all the power in their hands and hope (reasonably at first) that they will make amends. When they don't, we get hurt more deeply. And we feel like the reasons they spew are true....until we realize they are not (in many cases) true.

It's gradual to be sure, but it gets faster.

Keep sifting through...

Thanks, AJ. H is very stubborn man. Even if he regrets his decision by now, it is very unlikely that he will admit that he was wrong. And even if he admits it, his first words after that would be “Oh well, there is no going back.” He will probably need to hit the rock bottom in order for him to change his mind.

Matt, thanks for stopping by. I’ve been following your updates, just don’t have much time to post. I think the reality will be setting in for you W now, since she moved out. It might take some time though.