Hi Bea, My W has only been gone for a little over 3 weeks. One of the things she said as to why she had to leave was because her M was just so "bad" it caused her so much anxiety that she couldn't sleep more than a few hours a night. She had to go back on AD's and still she couldn't sleep. She told me that her DR told her that as soon as she left she would be fine and could stop taking AD's right away. Well, turns out she still can't sleep. She said that she wakes every night at 3:30-4:00 AM and can't get back to sleep. So, I guess she was wrong that I or her M was the cause? Nope. She hasn't put that together. I'm betting all the reasons she left are just still going to be there but I don't expect her to ever realize that me or her M wasn't the reason. She will end up just as unhappy in the end but who knows if they will ever realize we weren't the cause. Like AJ said if they ever do start to realize this that would mean they would have to face up to all the damage and pain they caused. Better to just keep believing we were (are?) to blame. Or find a new reason that they aren't happy now and keep believing that we were the cause then even if we aren't now.
It took my W leaving a year after B-day until I really stopped being hurt by the spewing. Stop thinking maybe she's right, maybe I was an awful H. Now I'm taking that power away from her. You weren't the cause. You didn't break him. Whether he is ever able to admit this, even to himself is something we won't know unless and until it happens, if ever.
