i haven't read your old threads- just blipped into this one. You sure have had the " challenges" heaped on in the past few years.
i cannot imagine. i don't know what prednisone is or does- if you've managed to come out the other side of that sitch- whatever it is - good for you.
i have an h of 38 yrs who says he's been unhappy for 10 years (never mention4ed it before tho ) he has a ow or 2 (i discovered) - he just lied and lied to keep me around - he says stay in his life because I "mean a great deal"to him(??) he says it'll be easier for me financially (true but ???) - he keeps ow around - i hate it- i was "destroyed" - am much better now (3 yrs later ithink) - he goes back & forth to fla & nj - i'm here in nj mostly- go to fla for a month now or then- it's wierd and getting mighty "old"- i'm still tryin to db - but losing hope really. i can see & appreciate the good life(style) i've got- i hate this disconnect in r.
ta da- screwed up life in a nutshell pretty much -
I was just calling self queen of procrastination other day- so welcome to My club. i'm not proud of it- just another little fly in my ointment here. never claimed to be perfect (really nice & allotta fun sometimes) but not perfect.\ i always think perhaps - if i find out tomorrow i'm dying- i'll be very glad i did the pleasant activity rather than the chore with my last day. it's goofy i know- workin on that... (in light of last bunch of years tho - i'm glad i was immersed in enjoying what i thought ws my life before i found out it may have all been a sham forever - or before it blew to he!! as it did. (or h blew to he!!) who is that guy anyway???
I wish i had your gung-ho attitude. i do not believe for one minute i could support myself, kids, life with anyting i can "do" for a job. wierd thought - isn't it? that if someone showed up tomorrow and demanded $200,000 for my life- i could not come up with it? there is nothing about me worth that sort of money.
i never viewed self in terms of cold hard cash- humbling. tho, if he would take credit- i could do it "in the end".
you've got some big big goals set for yourself. i'd scare myself into inactivity with huge undertakings like that. .
I have trouble finding even small ones - aside from "feel even" again. my needs are soooo simple- you'd think they were giant mountains if you listened to me. i'm nto sure what to think . this mlc is insanity for sure it may be contageous because i feelnuts alot of the time.
i've at least come to agree that it's h's own issues that plunged him into "here" (wherever that is) and i cannot "fix" him. it's hard as heck to be on other side of it- wondering all the time- about someone , some r that made up your entire life. oh well huh?
The junk in your wife's family- the alcohol, the divorce- my family is (i thought) normal as apple pie- i see it all in our family too - five daughters - every one divorced - me in a r for going on 40 yrs., yet now have this mlc crappola going on with h. idk- i'm thinking it's everywhere in every family in our society maybe.
perhaps some hide it better- keep it in the dark - idk - it is a worry, what will pop out due to one's genes.
I can never figure for sure whether it is nature or nurture - how we all turn out.
i guess i just stopped by tyo say you sound very positive, result oriented and yay you.
it can't be a bad thing. taking charge.
i am more like "quietly think you are at least OKAY with who you are and what your strong & weak points are - and know i will survive this and do okay taking care of self in life - IF I HAVE TO" (only then) alone only if forced to be.
i'm more detached than in beginning and everyone is rite - it's key and it's a better mind-set. i'm still not totally neutral and detached. workin on that - one day up- one day down- still striving, but hanging in there i guess. (now that i say it)
oh y eah- procrastination- it's a bummer to break that habit- i am tormented by the notion of "going off half cocked" . last five or so years I see all around me the fallout and destruction of people who just "do it" - "say it" and let the chips fall where they may. it didn't make anyone happy- caused pain to others and leaves everyone EVERYONE (my family) a mess and unhappy and at odds. if i ever hear one more person say "i'm just being honest" before they flay someone alive- i'll scream. yeah- great "reason" - what a joke. (oh well- procrastination in sense of walking out of this r).
i've got it across board- see, i should be cleaning house up rite now and what the heck am i doing? talking to you -
i fear that really- sayin or doing things that can never be taken back. it's a real "broadening" thing with me- reining self in and NOT sayin it - not walking out - not jumping up and down.
am i better person for it- probably. has it been the worst five years or so of my entire life- you betcha.
work in progress huh? hang on- i'm thinking in the end we all make it thru to the other side- wherever tht is...
