Trying to find my way

[Meghan]

Thank you to everyone who weighed in. I'm either going to leave a bit before he does, or will keep things very simple, stay in the apartment, and let him take the lead on everything.

Today is going to be tough. I'm overanalysing everything and building up everything I do in my head as either contributing to positive or negative feelings before he leaves. This trip is feeling like the be all and end all of everything right now.

For instance, the day before yesterday he asked for me to do some sewing for him, and I said yes. Yesterday, he said he was going to do something different instead, so I didn't do the sewing as planned. Then, he asked for my sewing kit late last night because he went back to the original idea. I got him the sewing stuff and apologized for not sewing, mentioning that he'd said he wanted something different instead.

He didn't really seem upset, but I've been assuming that in his head this is going to go down as just another thing that I've failed to deliver on for him, and that he'll be thinking of it as he leaves. I also feel like I missed an opportunity to do something nice for him. I know it's overanalysing and that I'm just blaming myself again for something that I have no control over. I'm trying so hard to tone it down - meditating, getting out, and detaching as best I can.

Thank you again to everyone who's been supporting me through this. I know I write here a lot, and that I have a long way to go, but I so appreciate your input.