Thanks again, Meghan, for pointing out that the glass is also half full. On the bright side:
o I have a chance of finding a new, better, woman o d16 and I can go on trips together and make memories (my son and I went to Spain last year, with the girls refusing to use their already paid, non-refundable tickets and come with us, and had a nice time; this Christmas he and I will go to Sicily) o I have a chance to scale down (this house, though I love it very much, is expensive to keep up) and save for retirement o I am freer to do what I'd like to, such as various bike tours, and not have to consider the family as much
It still knocks the stuffing out of me to think that d16 will be at home less, and that we may end up sharing her between us. On the other hand, perhaps her and my time together will be better that way, and certainly less constrained than with my controlling wife around.
I've also realized that I cannot work from home for weeks on end, and see no one. It isn't healthy and I get depressed. My boss has kindly agreed to let me be more at the office in the US, so I can get some short term relief. It remains to be seen how MIL will react - and whether she will let me stay with her - when I tell her that W and I are no longer married.
There is a valuable lesson in this - the reality of impermanence and all of its consequences. To live and love mindfully and to connect with others (I'd like to connect with refugees here in particular). To give my ambitious d16 space to live her life, and that I am responsible for mine.
Perhaps W and I will develop some sort of friendship with time - I hope so - I do still love her in spite of all the pain - but it no longer makes sense to stay in this non-functioning R.
