Just a thought, but don't walk him out to cab, if he asks you to and you can control the crying go for it, let him make the decision he wants and how he wants. Same thing on affection, let him make decision. I'm saying this, from the rest of your thread any try by you to lead has no results. The line have a safe and fun trip would be okay, probably. Not a good idea to ask him to let you know when he gets there, very hard yes, but this one got me in trouble early in my stich, and will more than likely backfire. Just leave it all up to him, and find yourself some free time activities to do. The more you can plan those early the less pain, you actually have something to look forward to then!!
Or a completely different angle. Consider the possibility he is dreading the goodbye for the very reasons you are afraid yourself...crying, uncomfortable physical contact. Say goodbye to him before his cab gets there and be gone when he leaves. This way you control your goodbye in your fashion, and you leave him wondering wtf just happened. He probably expects a certain action in regards to your goodbyes (since you said you cry a lot). This way you say goodbye and the impression you give him is almost one of indifference.
When my W and I unloaded my stuff at my dad's, and the kids were inside with my dad, my W was then going to leave to drive up to her parents house and our S was going to begin. It COULD have been a very emotional time. This was going to be the first time since we had met we would be spending more than a week apart. She looked sad, and started to walk towards me as if she might want to hug before she left (no definite proof, just suspicion). I just said 'ok, bye' and walked inside, leaving her to get herself in the car and leave. This was a 180 and definitely NOT what she probably was expecting given the emotional train wreck I had been (all the wrong WAS moves I had been doing).
As I said, just a thought...
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I'd go as easy as possible with keeping the emotions low. I think it is appropriate to say "please say hello to your family from me", omitting the word "love".
Thank you to everyone who weighed in. I'm either going to leave a bit before he does, or will keep things very simple, stay in the apartment, and let him take the lead on everything.
Today is going to be tough. I'm overanalysing everything and building up everything I do in my head as either contributing to positive or negative feelings before he leaves. This trip is feeling like the be all and end all of everything right now.
For instance, the day before yesterday he asked for me to do some sewing for him, and I said yes. Yesterday, he said he was going to do something different instead, so I didn't do the sewing as planned. Then, he asked for my sewing kit late last night because he went back to the original idea. I got him the sewing stuff and apologized for not sewing, mentioning that he'd said he wanted something different instead.
He didn't really seem upset, but I've been assuming that in his head this is going to go down as just another thing that I've failed to deliver on for him, and that he'll be thinking of it as he leaves. I also feel like I missed an opportunity to do something nice for him. I know it's overanalysing and that I'm just blaming myself again for something that I have no control over. I'm trying so hard to tone it down - meditating, getting out, and detaching as best I can.
Thank you again to everyone who's been supporting me through this. I know I write here a lot, and that I have a long way to go, but I so appreciate your input.
Last edited by Meghan; 07/14/1412:51 PM.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
Meghan, I can relate that it is really hard not to show emotions. Try and cry somewhere other than in front of your H though. I think they see that as added pressure and it usually pushes them farther away. I would take his lead on the goodbye. Let him initiate a hug or kiss and don't ask him to contact you when he makes it. I completely understand wanting to know. That doesn't help with detaching though. Maybe this trip will be a good way for him to get clarity on the situation and what he wants. Let him go and try and focus on doing things that make you happy while he's gone. I know this is easier said than done. Good luck and post here often when you're struggling. We are here to support you.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
Meghan - try to breathe deeply when you feel yourself tensing up - this is not the end of the world - hang in there - perhaps you can post a list of what makes you happy without him and we can help you in holding to it - L
Meghan - try to breathe deeply when you feel yourself tensing up - this is not the end of the world - hang in there - perhaps you can post a list of what makes you happy without him and we can help you in holding to it - L
Luke,
Do you mean what benefits I get from him not being around, or what kind of things I'm able to do and enjoy without him? (I've been asked both by friends recently.)
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
Best of luck Meghan. Leave your husband with the best image of you possible.
He may be expecting you to be moppy and expecting to deal with this. Surprise him with you inner strength. Show him that you will be great regardless. Dress up, make yourself look great. Keep a positive attitude as you send him off.
M:36 W:34 T:9,M:4 Me,WAH:7/2011 My apology:12/2012 Her,WAW:01/2013 ILYBINILWY:4/2013 W's EA:5/2013 Sep:9/2013 2nd EA signs:03/2014
