Struggling with Boundaries

[juliegayle]

So I have been thinking a lot about AJ's earlier post about writing the future instead of rewrites to the past. My first response was to say I was just kidding but there is always some truth in jokes.

I realize that if anything in my life was truly rewritten I might not be where I am at the moment. While I could do without the pain there are thung I would not have wanted to live without namely my s and ss19 and ss15.

I have been thinking over the past 10 months and working toward being the woman I want to be. Simply I want to be a person who lives with grace and gratitude. I spent too long holding grudges and wanting something other than what I had. I spent too long not thinking I was good enough.. good enough mother, wife, person.

I have been working alone and with therapist to forgive and let go of the past. That includes forgiving myself for a lot. I am becoming happy and confidant again.

However when I picture the me I am becoming she kind of exists in no man land. I always picture s with me but that's about it. Where am I living? At the moment I feel trapped. I moved here with h and never really built a life here. I always worked around h schedule so one of us could be with s. H always said that when step kids graduated we could move back North. I always lived like my life was on hold. Now I have to figure out how to put down roots in a place I have lived on the surface of for 12 years.

Then there is the career. I fell into a job to pay the bills always thinking I would get back to my career but ended up staying for 10 years. I have a lot of ideas about what I want to do but haven't nailed it down yet.

Relationship? Not the time to be going there.