Something else that is kind of helping me out. On one post I heard focus on her flaws, to help get rid of the good. It's not so much the flaws I'm using, but the things that I think were not right. We have 2 dogs, she wanted them just as much as me, but wouldn't take care of them. Stuff that I know goes against what I really want out of my life.
This also helps me to look at me and what I did that I didn't like and maybe even her. Identify the problems for me. Is it hard not to think about her yes, but I have to help myself out. I'm not scared to be here anymore. I want to feel some joy.
A lot of people in my life have been encouraging me to do the same, particularly when I'm blaming myself, or being blamed by H. Yes, I contributed to this, and there were a lot of things that I could have done a whole lot better. I have a much clearer read on those things right now, which means I can deal with them
But the truth is that there were two of us in the relationship, and there were a lot of things wrong on both ends and, consequently, in the marriage as well. Many of the issues fed on each other. I'm starting to identify more clearly what those things are, often by talking it out with friends and family who know about the situation, and it really is a two way street. Right now I'm having near-daily realisations about the marriage, but also about who I am and who I want to be.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
