KGirl - post-move

[KGirl]

Today I'm angry again at H. When does the anger start fading? Maybe it never really goes away and pops up from time to time to surprise you? Today it came because yesterday I went to a yearly outing at a friend's family farm, and I think it is the first time in 10 years that I went without H. That was hard. Today, my MOH from my wedding is going to be in town and is going to meet up with me. She doesn't make it to town very often, and last time she did I was super excited to show her my new house and felt like all of my pieces in life had fallen into my place. Now I feel like I've taken two steps back. H is also missing out on an opportunity to see her just like he missed out on the farm last night. I made the mistake of looking at his facebook page and he posted yesterday that he was at a bar in a city 3 hours away where his friend lives. He just spent an entire weekend with that same friend two weeks ago in Chicago. I'm angry because he said he was going to use this time to be reflective and really figure out what he wanted - how can he do that if he's going out to bars and sightseeing all the time? The cat is probably very sad and lonely - I'm angry at him for wanting to have her so badly and then not being home to be with her. I could have taken her and would have relished having her here. Everything he does and doesn't do hurts lately - how do you ever come back from that to be able to have that person in your life again? What's he been doing this past month since we've been separated? Is he actually doing any work to figure out what he wants and his issues or is he just being a single dude and enjoying his time without a W to time him down?

Grrrrr. I know being in this state isn't good for me and I need to figure out how to get out of it. I guess I figured by this time I'd have some type of closure either way, but maybe the process couldn't really start until we were physically separated. I have trouble even picturing H (and the poor cat!) in my mind anymore without looking at a picture.