She asked why it took her having an A for me to wake up. She said it seems like the only time I pay attention to her is when she's threatening to leave me, or when she actually is leaving me. There are about 3 or 4 times in our history when that has been the case, but she is blind to all the times I have heard her and acted accordingly. She constantly focuses on those occurrences claiming it's a pattern I will just keep repeating. She has no guarantee that I won't fall back into that and she's not willing to waste another 10 years of her life living in such an unfulfilling marriage. That's what she is afraid of. I'll need to address that fear somehow - discussion point for my MC.
It sounds like you've had a hard day. With this question in particular, keep in mind that it's possible that she's rewriting history in her mind as a way to justify what she's doing. Sure, you probably contributed in some way - haven't we all? - but she's viewing the past through some lenses that have her strongly focused on the bad things and not able to see most, if any, of the good. It can be really hard to deal with. It takes a lot to be able to validate their experience and feelings without trying to explain your perspective, but I'd suggest validating her as much as possible.
In terms of addressing her fears that change will be shortlived, she's going to need to see the changes that she wants and you'll need to keep them up as routine so she belives in them.
Originally Posted By: PeterV2
When I invited her to stay the night she said she doesn't need an invitation to sleep at her own house. I told her that's not what I meant - I just meant that I would like to spend a night together again, like we did back in May. But that was pursuing and was not good. So I tried to backpedal without success. Oh well. Get back up, dust myself off and carry on DBing.
The best thing you can do is carry on. Tomorrow's another day and you've learned a little bit more today about what works and what doesn't, and that's a good thing to have.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
