Dealing with an ongoing affair

[PeterV2]

Well, we went to dinner for our 6th anniversary. Before we left we exchanged gifts. She hugged me and noticed I was wearing cologne (Mont Black Legend) - first time she's noticed that.
Over dinner there was a lot of relationship talk. She shed a lot of tears. She said she wished she could tell me something I'd like to hear but she couldn't. I think she was referring to reconciliation but I don't know for sure. She couldn't continue because she was getting too emotional. So I didn't pry. She said it's been a very difficult few months since we last sat at that table on Feb 28 for the 10th anniversary of our first date. I agreed with her on that.
She also said sometimes she just wants to end it (suicide) but won't because of her daughter and our cat. I was one of the reasons.:(
She asked why it took her having an A for me to wake up. She said it seems like the only time I pay attention to her is when she's threatening to leave me, or when she actually is leaving me. There are about 3 or 4 times in our history when that has been the case, but she is blind to all the times I have heard her and acted accordingly. She constantly focuses on those occurrences claiming it's a pattern I will just keep repeating. She has no guarantee that I won't fall back into that and she's not willing to waste another 10 years of her life living in such an unfulfilling marriage. That's what she is afraid of. I'll need to address that fear somehow - discussion point for my MC.
I had asked her to stay the night at home but she said she felt I was pressuring her. So I need to back off more. Stop the pursuing and pressuring. Live my own life.
We booked her ticket to FL yesterday for 9 days staying with our mutual friend. She needs to get away - she is suffering from burn-out. The retirement home (RH) we own that she's running has been a great strain on her. At dinner she said she felt she was pushed into it and I agree that I was insensitive to the timing of it. We should have waited about 4 or 5 months before buying it. She wasn't ready and I did push the issue fearing the deal would fall through if we didn't jump on it. But it was at the expense of our marriage - too great a price to pay - had I known I would have done differently. I told her that. She did say she wanted to go ahead with the RH but the timing was wrong. Like Sandi says, it all about timing. Lesson learned.
Today she went away to a spa with some girlfriends overnight. Hope she's being honest with me. Whatever. I'm still having a hard time detaching after all this time and practice.
But she did stay for our anniversary without me pressuring her to do so.
She leaves Tuesday for 9 days and then I'm off with my boys for 4 days on a hike. So we'll be apart for 2 weeks with only one day for debriefing in the middle. We'll see where that puts us.
When I invited her to stay the night she said she doesn't need an invitation to sleep at her own house. I told her that's not what I meant - I just meant that I would like to spend a night together again, like we did back in May. But that was pursuing and was not good. So I tried to backpedal without success. Oh well. Get back up, dust myself off and carry on DBing.