Wife is Continuing Affair-When Do I Start LRT IV

[PeterV2]

I think she is very scared that nothing would be different if she came back

My W says that all the time: "I don't trust you that you won't slip back into your old patterns if I come back. I don't want to waste another 10 years of my life..." There's no arguing, convincing, or reasoning that can counter that one. The only thing is honest talk about how I see my patterns of behaviour that lead to the degradation of our marriage and that by having finally identified them that I can consciously avoid them, which I've done with some success on two occasions in the past week or so. But for the most part I think just maintaining the new consciousness and continuing self-improvement is the only way to show consistency of my changes and growth. And continuing with the detachment.
Dev, I think you are doing really well. Yes, I'd be careful about her joining you on vacation. I would think that unless she makes a firm commitment to start reconciliation, with the confirmation that the A is over forever and the OM is out of her life completely, then it's best for her not to come along. Even if she made that commitment it may even be too early to plunge into a family vacation together. She would still be having withdrawals.
Nonetheless, I know I would have a hard time resisting the opportunity. It would take a lot of will power. Listen to Sandi.