interesting stuff, but i don't think i was necessarily judged as a kid- or if i was, i don't think i was aware really . there were five of us- i think the minute i appeared on the scene - my mom was probably overwhelmed- and crazy all the time with too many small kids all at once. then there was always some baby coming along just when things got udner control idk - i think we were happy kids and all entertained each other - we were soooo close in age. it was a very good childhood (well, i think so anyway)/
tho, i can see as an adult that i don't now or ever did feel like anything "special" - just another kid in the mix. that was what made h so nice- he made me feel special really for first time in life. oh well-
i may be just a bum when it comes to doing things in advance. i have no theory about it other than just lack of that type of self control to FORCE myself to do something i don't like- until i have to and it's the bitter end.
personality? quirk? idk i sure know that when i do it- something always comes along and i lack the "wiggle room" - i make myself miserable. but do i correct it/ usually not. it's strange that i con tinue to do it to myself- when i know full well i'll "pay" in the end.
