Hoping for positive changes

[Thornton]

LOL! He sprayed the damn dog with cologne? That's hilarious!

[artsy]

Just documenting before I forget and I'm about to go "off the grid" until Sunday:

I am going camping tomorrow: it's a first for me! I'm nervous and excited. Prior to BD I had zero interest in it. But, my friends invited me, and it's an opportunity to get out of this house for 5 days. I'm taking it!!!! Lol! My ex MIL (xH1) paid for all the supplies (she's amazingly supportive and generous). So hopefully it goes well because this is something I can afford to do!!!

Note: I've heard from H more the past 2 weeks than the last 6 months combined. Most of it had to do with logistics of "the car" incident, but there have been random niceties, as well.

For example, he emailed me a copy of the insurance card for the truck with the message of " Hi!!!!" So, I responded in kind with a healthy "thank you" and a pic of our little dog sitting in the car on his way to get groomed.

He responded later with :" he is so cute! Thank you for the pics it made my day!"

I did not respond to that email, but he forwarded another email from his mom later. He had forwarded the pic to her and she replied she missed her grand-dog. (His parents used to take the little dog for a few days every once in awhile because they adore him, but don't want to get a dog of their own).

So, I responded that they can take him for the week while I'm camping (I was hesitant on sending that- not sure how he would react to the camping news. But, I need so done to watch the dog and it's the truth, so I threw it in there.)

He texted back about 4 hours later wanting to know specifics about my camping trip, so I told him. He then waited until the next morning to respond with: awesome. Take bug spray.

I didn't want to tell him about camping for 2 reasons:
1. I don't want him to think I'm doing theses things to impress him. I'm not. I wouldn't have even told him if I didn't think there was a chance his parents could take one of the dogs.
2. I think he's a bit annoyed, and I think I would be too. He has always enjoyed camping but I was never interested in it. But, again, this is the only vacation I can afford and my friends invited me. I'm a different person than I was 6 months ago.

So, I'm not sure when I will hear from him again. His silence could be him disappearing again, or it could be he's just assuming we're camping so there's no point in texting, etc. Not sure, won't ever know.

I can't control what he thinks, though. So it is what it is.

Also, he texted my D12 the next day wishing her a fun camping trip. He has also contacted her more the past 3 weeks than he has in 6 months.

MLC side note: he has reconnected with his parents and daughter (who he completely ignored for 3 years). Perhaps he is trying with my D12....? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Just documenting.

Carry on...

[artsy]

OH!!!!! I forgot!!!!!

Georgiabelle will appreciate this, maybe some of you, as well.

As I've mentioned many many times I always ask for guidance and signs from God. I have gotten MANY, too many to count about being patient, letting God do the work for me, standing for marriage, etc. I mean they're everywhere: tv, radio, Twitter lol!!! And I'm not watching or listening to religious things, people. It's just "there".

Well, last night I asked for guidance and wisdom before I opened my bible. I opened it to a random page and it was the book of Job. Not kidding.

Loud and clear!!!!!

[Georgiabelle]

Have fun camping! It's nice to try something different I'm sure D will enjoy the trip too.

Those signs.....they really are everywhere if we are open:-)

[artsy]

Thanks, GB!! I'm excited- just hoping for some good weather at this point! We've already adjusted our days twice.

Side note: it's rained almost every day this summer and the weather reports still say we're below average. How is that possible??? Is there any other profession where it's ok to be wrong all the time???

[artsy]

Ugh!

Just got back from camping. As I was cleaning the car out,mi found a note that fell between the seat and middle arm rest. The little voice in my head said not to read it, but I did.

It was a note H wrote to OW. It said "don't panic! I took some of my clothes to sort through them. The rest are in the washer- when I'm here I'll just need my work boots. Thank you for being you! I love you!"

BLECH!

1. I knew about the A since December.
2. The note should be several months old- he hasn't driven the truck in a few months.
3. He came and got a bunch of clothes from here in January. Before that he only had a weeks worth of clothing.

I hate that I am trying to analyze the timing of the note. I guess it just upsets me because it's another lie that has come to the surface- it turns my stomach that he had a bunch of clothes at her place and he's telling her he loves her. I am certain the A will not last, but it doesn't make it FEEL better on my end.

I'm usually amazingly intuitive. My intuition has been telling me the A self-destructed and it made their whole circle of friends awkward. He's told me several times his life is horrible and he totally has messed up his life. I'm certain that's not just about me.

I really wish I hadn't seen the note. I was doing so well, and now I can't get it out of my head. I ripped it up and threw it away. I am not going to confront him- there's no point. But I'm angry. Really angry.

WHY? I knew about the A. This is not news to me. I really really want to forgive him. If nothing else, this has shown me I have not forgiven him. Maybe that's the point of it????

So, can someone tell me how to forgive? I've worked on it in IC and have been praying for it for 7 months. How do you do it??????

[Georgiabelle]

Artsy,

I'm sorry you are having a difficult day. It's okay to have those even though they $uc/!

Can I ask a question? I read on your post that you knew the A wouldn't last and it self destructed. Is your h still in A? Or do you not know for sure?

As you know forgiveness is a process. It also doesn't have a timeline. It is entirely possible one day you realize you have been able to forgive or it may slowly resonate with you. I have no doubts you will get there so don't worry if you think it should only take x amount of time.

You are doing great! Hope you had a nice camping trip:-)

[artsy]

GB,
I am certain the A won't last because of who she is- this is someone who he has known for over 15 years and he made SEVERAL comments about all the things about her that bother him (including her looks-- she is not what you would consider attractive by conventional standards). She went through S and D last summer and was totally sitting right there on the side encouraging H to leave me. She offered him attention. She is drama drama drama. It simply won't last. It won't.

My intuition tells me it self-destructed. It's a very codependent relationship- she's one of the ringleaders of the group of friends he hangs out with. He's been spending a lot of time with his parents lately and has referenced how he's ruined his life, his life is horrible, etc. his job is going well, so what else would he be bemoaning?

Hard to explain- I just "felt" it.

The note literally doesn't change anything. I still am standing for my M and I knew about the A. It just brought back alllllllllllll the horrible feelings from when he first left.

[artsy]

^^^^^ so, no! I am not for certain.

I refuse to acknowledge it. As you have done, I have ignored it because confronting him with what I know won't change anything, and he'll simply say hurtful things to justify to himself further, which will make me feel worse.

Wouldn't be able to trust the answer, anyway!

And, OW is not the problem here. He is. :-/

Thank you, as always for popping by! I'm going to join you in MLC forum when this thread is finished...

[Meghan]

I'm sure finding the note wasn't fun - it's hard to have such a concrete reminder no matter how much you were already aware of and dealing with an issue like that. Good on you for not confronting him, though.

I appreciate your attitude that OW isn't really the problem. This took a long time (too long!) for me to realise, and it caused a lot of damage in the meantime. I hope that not focusing on the OW gives you more space to be able to deal with the real issues in a way that produces some positive changes.